4th Shot Done

It has been a LONG time since I have been here to update y'all...Sorry. The last couple of weeks were pretty crappy. Two weeks ago tomorrow I ended up at the U of A with some wicked chest pain that was making it very hard for me to breath. After many hours and many tests, they told me that it was probably a bruised rib since I have absolutely NO risk factors for anything else. I find that diagnosis hard to believe since I was laying in bed reading a book when it started, the advil they gave me to take away the pain did nothing and the pain magically disappeared at 10am the next morning. When it first happened, Scott resisted taking me to the hospital because he thought I was over reacting. I explained to him, in so many words, that I was taking SERIOUS drugs that can kill people and I wasn't going to sit at home waiting to see what would happen! My Hep nurse told us that I am to ALWAYS come to the hospital for things like that because there are obscure side effects that can happen and the best place to be is the hospital if things are going to go sideways. My words to my husband, immediately following his apology, were na-na-na-boo-boo. The pain came and went a couple more times totally unprovoked. I am still at a loss as to what the deal is. I am going to go see a physiotherapist and see if there is anything she can tweak in my back to make this not happen again. It is quite paralyzing to feel pain and KNOW that it could be heart issues or pulmonary blood clots. Both are equally adept at ending your life...

Things were looking up by the weekend. Jonas and I were having a Mommy and Jonas day at West Ed and on the way home, he puked strawberry sunshine all over himself in the car. Disgusting! My poor boy has only puked once before in his life so he was pretty freaked! I took care of him all that day and night and the next day and then I started puking. Poor Scott and Brie. I have NEVER been that sick in all of my life. I couldn't stop. Nothing would stay down, my headache was brutal, I felt like I was never going to get better. After 5 hours, I was 100%. It was also my shot day so I did that once I could keep my head out of the toilet. The good thing about feeling like complete ass all day before I took my shot was that I didn't notice a single negative effect of taking the shot, lol! Everything is relative. I woke up the next morning with a cold. It seems the fates were determined to make me eat my words about feeling so good. Jonas was home with me all week because he had a bit of a temperature so he got in a whole lot of TV watching while I nursed a brutal cold. My blood came back with my white cell count elevated so my immune system is fighting something. It seems to be gone now.

Yesterday was shot day. It stung. The last few have so I am thinking that I was too pumped with adrenaline my first shot to feel the sting. It isn't too bad though. I was able to sleep last night sort of. If I go to sleep, I tend to wake up every hour or so starting at 12:30. I tell ya, I do not blame insomniacs for any crimes that they commit! It is brutal to go days on end without a full night's sleep. It messes with your head. Yesterday I felt like myself again so I worked out with Stacie. I didn't go too hard because I don't want to tire myself out and get sick. My nurse advised that working out was fine as long as I didn't do too much. Stacie and I haven't done it in so long, there was no danger of us going overboard! We were pathetically weak!

Although there hasn't been a drastic change in my blood counts, the overall picture can still be very different than before treatment was started. My nurse quizzed me on how things have changed . Let's see....my stomach is starting to look like the Polka-Dot Door. Every injection site is a perfect circle of red skin and purpura. I wonder if that will go away? My memory and brain are taking on characteristics of swiss cheese. Words and thoughts disappear with NO warning! Makes me look like a bit of a special case when I am trying to say something and the words are just gone. I am crazy. The thoughts that bounce around in my head, and sometimes fall out of my lips, are random and unrelated to one another. There is no segway. It makes it hard for people around me to follow what is going on. I don't think most people are used to shifting gears that fast. Thank God my sisters are. They don't have an issue (I don't think lol). I have no stamina. Jonas is endlessly frustrated that I can play like I used to with him for about one minute and then need a break. I am not kidding. My energy is used up in a flash. I was sure that my problem was that my hemoglobin had dropped but no such luck. My skin is unimaginably dry! I have baby oil baths, luke warm showers, let my skin air dry, put on lotions, all to no avail. My face and hands are aging so quickly! I am a vain girl so this is hard to deal with for me. I don't want to come out of this with my face looking like that of a recovered drug addict (old looking and full of lines and wrinkles) so I am upping my water intake, if that is possible. Last but not least, I am emotional beyond anything I have been in my life previous to this. I am tired of saying that I don't feel well, that I feel dizzy, that I am exhausted, that I need help. I am sad that I am not the Mom that my boy deserves, that I am not the wife who has dinner on the table every day, that my house is not clean. Scott has been great in supporting me and pulling as much weight as he can with the house and kids. He has been wonderful with comforting me and letting me know that this is what we expected and that I am not to feel bad about it. I am to take care of myself and not to worry about other's feelings and stuff. Easier said than done. I like to have control and I feel it rushing away. I am staying positive and I generally only have one emotional day a week so that is acceptable. Thank God for happy pills because without them, I wouldn't want to be around me!

On the plus side, our picture of Mickey's castle is shaping up nicely! It is a very exciting moment every week for my boy and I to add to it! That I love!

Today I am a bit dizzy and could use a nap so off I go. I am focusing on six days from today. I will get my blood results and find out if I am negative for the virus. Fingers crossed!