Tuesday, March 23, 2010
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So since I didn't put anything between my skin and my hot pack, I now have what looks to be a first degree burn all across my lower back! Awesome!! I suppose Jonas' Ihle's paste is still good for something. At least it doesn't hurt. Here's hoping it doesn't blister. Silly, silly me...
Ooooh Update!
For those of you who don't know, when my treatment is done, I am going to school to be an electrician. I had applied at Wirtenen for the pre-apprenticeship program. It is free and you have to be accepted. The man who decides your fate is rather old school about women and makes no bones about it. We had talked previously and ironed out all his misconceptions and I was waiting to hear back. Surprise of all surprises, he called me on Wednesday to tell me that I had been accepted to start school on April 5th! I was madly trying to work it out in my head so that I could say yes. My mother, the voice of reason, was in the background telling me that I couldn't go while on treatment. I mentioned to the man that I was doing a medical treatment and he told me they could make allowances for it. Since the main side effect of my drugs is extreme forgettfullness, I told him I didn't think it was a good idea for me to play with electricity without the full use of all my faculties. He said it was no big deal, people would just think I was dumb. Uh, no. We talked for a bit and finally decided that it would be best for me to attend his course starting October 25th. I believe I convinced him to save a spot for me. I was supposed to call him back the next day and let him know and guess what? I forgot! Damn, damn, damn! I called and left him a message saying I couldn't attend before October and asked him to call me back. Hopefully it is still a go!
I am going to start down the road to be an electrician!!! I am so excited!! What amazing news!
I am going to start down the road to be an electrician!!! I am so excited!! What amazing news!
Second One Down
Jonas and I added our new piece to the puzzle yesterday! I knew he would be excited about it but I was surprised how excited I was to see another piece on the wall! I think I really am a 3 yr old at heart and can't wait to go to Disneyland!! Jonas, Alexis and Emileigh watched me do my shot and Jonas said, 'Don't cry Mommy.' It was so cute. He said the same thing last Friday when he came with me to have blood drawn. Apparently he thinks his Mom is a pansy and cries at needles (or just loves me and is being supportive). Maybe by him watching me be a 'big girl' with needles, he will keep it together if and when he needs them. Em and Alexis are just morbid little girls that like to watch weird things lol (just like Dee Dee, Brie and I)and I was happy to let them watch.
My nurse called and told me that nothing had changed with my blood so I wasn't anemic yet but that will happen very quickly. I am wondering if nothing changing in my blood is good or bad or means nothing at this point? My biggest fear right now is that nothing will change by week 4. That would be horribly shitty!! Stay positive though right? Negative at week 4!
The shot yesterday was very different from the first! I injected a little closer to my belly button and missed the bulk of my 'fat' so it actually stung and bled a bit. I have 22 more shots to perfect the location...I'll be a pro soon ;). My nurse advised me to take the shot at bedtime so that I could sleep through the bulk of the side effects but I decided to take it at 5pm since it took so long for it to hit me last time. I didn't want to sleep through all the good and wake up just in time for the bad. I didn't start to feel anything until 11pm. This time every joint in my body ached! I took a Tylenol so that I could relax enough to go to sleep. I managed to stay asleep until 1:30am and then I was basically up all night. It occurred to me at 3am that I had felt this type of discomfort in my hips and legs before.....during labour!!! It was exactly the same ache! I did some pacing and some repetitive motions reminiscent of a mental patient (or labouring woman lol) in a bid to feel better and maybe, eventually, get some sleep. It was another night of 15 minutes of sleep at a time. Next time I will turn on the TV instead of entertaining myself with my own thoughts lol! I'm not very creative at 3am.
This morning I feel like an 80 year old woman who's joints are betraying her and freezing up. At least I know this will be over soon. By Friday of last week I was feeling just like my old self, just a bit tired, so there is light at the end of the tunnel every week! The discomfort is only temporary and that makes it more than manageable. I am going to break out the hot packs for my back and hips and watch some HGTV with a cup of tea in bed. This is Mom's last day here so I need to enjoy the last few hours of being totally taken care of. I suppose I need to make supper tonight....boo hiss!
My nurse called and told me that nothing had changed with my blood so I wasn't anemic yet but that will happen very quickly. I am wondering if nothing changing in my blood is good or bad or means nothing at this point? My biggest fear right now is that nothing will change by week 4. That would be horribly shitty!! Stay positive though right? Negative at week 4!
The shot yesterday was very different from the first! I injected a little closer to my belly button and missed the bulk of my 'fat' so it actually stung and bled a bit. I have 22 more shots to perfect the location...I'll be a pro soon ;). My nurse advised me to take the shot at bedtime so that I could sleep through the bulk of the side effects but I decided to take it at 5pm since it took so long for it to hit me last time. I didn't want to sleep through all the good and wake up just in time for the bad. I didn't start to feel anything until 11pm. This time every joint in my body ached! I took a Tylenol so that I could relax enough to go to sleep. I managed to stay asleep until 1:30am and then I was basically up all night. It occurred to me at 3am that I had felt this type of discomfort in my hips and legs before.....during labour!!! It was exactly the same ache! I did some pacing and some repetitive motions reminiscent of a mental patient (or labouring woman lol) in a bid to feel better and maybe, eventually, get some sleep. It was another night of 15 minutes of sleep at a time. Next time I will turn on the TV instead of entertaining myself with my own thoughts lol! I'm not very creative at 3am.
This morning I feel like an 80 year old woman who's joints are betraying her and freezing up. At least I know this will be over soon. By Friday of last week I was feeling just like my old self, just a bit tired, so there is light at the end of the tunnel every week! The discomfort is only temporary and that makes it more than manageable. I am going to break out the hot packs for my back and hips and watch some HGTV with a cup of tea in bed. This is Mom's last day here so I need to enjoy the last few hours of being totally taken care of. I suppose I need to make supper tonight....boo hiss!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
The Days After
How surprised am I?! I thought I would be death warmed over but as it turns out, I am A-OK. My skin is a bit sore, I do have some shoulder tip pain and am generally a bit achy (like after a light workout) but if that's all that I have to pay, life is pretty great! Monday night was a different story...
I started to feel the side effects at 9:30 which is very good considering that my shot was at 1:30. I had the most intense shoulder tip pain I have ever had, with the exception of when I had my liver biopsies, and my skin hurt all over even when I was standing still! The air touching it hurt. I started to get constant, strong chills so decided it was time for bed. I brought an extra warm blanket to bed to try and keep the chills away since the shaking made my skin hurt more. I slept for 15 minutes at a time all night which was unbelievably frustrating! It was worse than having a newborn! I was so tired Tuesday!! The shock of Monday night though was the sweats! I swear I left a trail to the bathroom when I went to get a towel and squeeze my hair out in the sink (disgusting I know, try being me lol)! If that is what I have to look forward to with menopause, I hope I have my period for the next 50 years!
Wednesday I was just tired. Mom (thank God for Mom!)let me spend the morning sleeping and then took Ryus and I out for a walk which was fabulous! As much as I hate to admit it and am having a slight issue adjusting to it, drinking all the water I need to drink I so good for me in so many ways! I might just get addicted to it! Between the water and baby oil baths, I shouldn't end up with the ribavirin rash.
Today I have slight shoulder tip pain and the skin on my back still hurts but am golden otherwise! Last night I even slept for 3 hours at a time on the couch. Woohoo! Looks like the couch is my new bed since I seem to sleep best there (with the help of some Melatonin). I am so thankful that this is what it is. The flu will be nothing after dealing with this for 6 months! I am sure that as I continue and my hemoglobin drops, my immunity decreases and I become anemic, the side effects will feel much worse but I am enjoying it for now. I will definitely love my body even more when this is all done. You don't know how much you like your un-sore skin, un-nauseated stomach, un-achy muscles and un-tired body until you don't have it anymore, lol. This whole process is a reaffirmation of being thankful for all things. You make the best of whatever comes your way and appreciate how much more difficult it could be. I suppose I am a 'strange animal' as my sister calls me and ended up being one of the lucky ones on these drugs.
Off to watch chick flicks with Mom!
I started to feel the side effects at 9:30 which is very good considering that my shot was at 1:30. I had the most intense shoulder tip pain I have ever had, with the exception of when I had my liver biopsies, and my skin hurt all over even when I was standing still! The air touching it hurt. I started to get constant, strong chills so decided it was time for bed. I brought an extra warm blanket to bed to try and keep the chills away since the shaking made my skin hurt more. I slept for 15 minutes at a time all night which was unbelievably frustrating! It was worse than having a newborn! I was so tired Tuesday!! The shock of Monday night though was the sweats! I swear I left a trail to the bathroom when I went to get a towel and squeeze my hair out in the sink (disgusting I know, try being me lol)! If that is what I have to look forward to with menopause, I hope I have my period for the next 50 years!
Wednesday I was just tired. Mom (thank God for Mom!)let me spend the morning sleeping and then took Ryus and I out for a walk which was fabulous! As much as I hate to admit it and am having a slight issue adjusting to it, drinking all the water I need to drink I so good for me in so many ways! I might just get addicted to it! Between the water and baby oil baths, I shouldn't end up with the ribavirin rash.
Today I have slight shoulder tip pain and the skin on my back still hurts but am golden otherwise! Last night I even slept for 3 hours at a time on the couch. Woohoo! Looks like the couch is my new bed since I seem to sleep best there (with the help of some Melatonin). I am so thankful that this is what it is. The flu will be nothing after dealing with this for 6 months! I am sure that as I continue and my hemoglobin drops, my immunity decreases and I become anemic, the side effects will feel much worse but I am enjoying it for now. I will definitely love my body even more when this is all done. You don't know how much you like your un-sore skin, un-nauseated stomach, un-achy muscles and un-tired body until you don't have it anymore, lol. This whole process is a reaffirmation of being thankful for all things. You make the best of whatever comes your way and appreciate how much more difficult it could be. I suppose I am a 'strange animal' as my sister calls me and ended up being one of the lucky ones on these drugs.
Off to watch chick flicks with Mom!
Monday, March 15, 2010
One down
Well....the shot was NOTHING like I had imagined it to be! Completely painless, totally easy, I worked myself up about it for no reason. I tend to do that though, lol! I will post the video when I get the chance.
Jonas and I have put the first piece of our puzzle on the wall! After I cut up the picture into the 24 pieces it was DAMN hard to put back together to number them! It made Mom and I laugh. I expect a 3 year old to do what challenged me! Too funny. He doesn't really get it yet. He asked if I was all better and not sick anymore because I took my medicine today. He'll figure it out soon enough.
Now to wait out the side effects. I took a Tylenol so should be relatively alright. If all I get is the flu symptoms, I will be happy since that's better than wanting to jump off the High Level bridge (a patient seriously had to be talked down) or committing a crime and having my specialist testify in court that I was under the influence of potent drugs (that too has happened!). I have to make it one month and hopefully I test negative at 4 weeks. That way I am only on the drugs for 24 weeks. If I am still positive then, it changes the game plan a bit but it doesn't knock me out of the game! Negative at 4 weeks, negative at 4 weeks! That's my new mantra!
Now to sleep. Since all of it is done and the anxiety that kept me awake last night and going all day today is gone, my body has decided to let me be tired! Mom and Jonas are making Jello shapes so I can go snooze!
Ooooh, and anyone who knows me will laugh at this one! I get my very own bag full of goodies like a journal to track how I'm feeling and where I injected, a travel bag for the drugs with a freezer pack for short trips, a water bottle, a step by step for how to do the injection! I am so excited about it!! I know, I'm a dork LOL!
Somehow I think my post tomorrow will be a tad different...
Jonas and I have put the first piece of our puzzle on the wall! After I cut up the picture into the 24 pieces it was DAMN hard to put back together to number them! It made Mom and I laugh. I expect a 3 year old to do what challenged me! Too funny. He doesn't really get it yet. He asked if I was all better and not sick anymore because I took my medicine today. He'll figure it out soon enough.
Now to wait out the side effects. I took a Tylenol so should be relatively alright. If all I get is the flu symptoms, I will be happy since that's better than wanting to jump off the High Level bridge (a patient seriously had to be talked down) or committing a crime and having my specialist testify in court that I was under the influence of potent drugs (that too has happened!). I have to make it one month and hopefully I test negative at 4 weeks. That way I am only on the drugs for 24 weeks. If I am still positive then, it changes the game plan a bit but it doesn't knock me out of the game! Negative at 4 weeks, negative at 4 weeks! That's my new mantra!
Now to sleep. Since all of it is done and the anxiety that kept me awake last night and going all day today is gone, my body has decided to let me be tired! Mom and Jonas are making Jello shapes so I can go snooze!
Ooooh, and anyone who knows me will laugh at this one! I get my very own bag full of goodies like a journal to track how I'm feeling and where I injected, a travel bag for the drugs with a freezer pack for short trips, a water bottle, a step by step for how to do the injection! I am so excited about it!! I know, I'm a dork LOL!
Somehow I think my post tomorrow will be a tad different...
Today's THE day!
The morning of my first shot is here! I thought that I would have slept better last night considering that I did two full days of Cinderella duties in preparation for the next six months (my windows are gorgeous, lol) but subconscious nervousness won out and it was pretty fitful. I am going to have Mom take video of the shot and post it, if I can figure out how, and maybe that way I won't be dramatic when the time comes because nobody wants to have that recorded into history! I can't let my son see that Mommy is afraid of a little needle :) I am so nervous but there is no turning back and no excuse good enough to stop me from following through on this. All that I have left to do is to run to Staples, pick up the poster of Mickey's castle and cut it into 24 pieces. Jonas and I get to start putting it back together tonight! He is so excited!! When I go to bed tonight, there will be one less piece on my wall. Today is the first day of my countdown to freedom!!
I am going to think of today in a positive way.... My house is clean and quiet, I am enjoying a mug of hot ice tea, Mom is here so I have wonderful (and medically capable lol!) company and today I will finally, after years of wondering, know how it's going to be to take the meds! I am going to focus solely on positive thoughts, positive energy. Today will be the day when I will have my questions answered and the unknown will no longer exist! I think wondering is sometimes a type of worry, it's almost always worse in your mind than in actual reality.
If you are reading this today, wish me well!!
I am going to think of today in a positive way.... My house is clean and quiet, I am enjoying a mug of hot ice tea, Mom is here so I have wonderful (and medically capable lol!) company and today I will finally, after years of wondering, know how it's going to be to take the meds! I am going to focus solely on positive thoughts, positive energy. Today will be the day when I will have my questions answered and the unknown will no longer exist! I think wondering is sometimes a type of worry, it's almost always worse in your mind than in actual reality.
If you are reading this today, wish me well!!
Friday, March 12, 2010
T minus 70 hours
So starts the Hep C Diaries...
Monday is THE day. 1pm. Life will change. After much anguish and what seems a lifetime of psychological torture, I will be starting the treatment for Hep C that I have been contemplating for 12 years. After 24 weeks, freedom is mine!!
I should be cleaning my house right now while my kids and husband aren't home so that this weekend (the last normal one for months) can be spent having fun with them instead of on domestic duties but I'm not. That would make it more real and as ridiculous as it sounds I am still a bit in denial...I am afraid. Who knows how I am going to respond to the drugs? Will I be really sick? Will they work? What if I am one of those people that....(insert any number of VERY scary situations)? Will I still be able to be a good Mom? A good wife? How am I gonna be able to take care of everyone else when I feel awful? What if I don't feel bad? Does that mean that the drugs aren't working? What if? What if? What if? Like a broken record in my head that I try not to let play. As much as it has been scary having Hep C all my life, it has been my normal. Normal is about to change. I think I will be freaked until the first shot is done. Right now it is like waiting to go into labour with your first child. You are intimidated and you don't know how it will feel and how you will handle it. Once you're into it though, you realize you are ok and can manage it. Once I experience what it does to me, I will be better prepared to keep going. I'm thinking Tylenol will be my best friend!! It also helps that my Mom will be here with me for the first couple of shots and Moms always make everything better!
I think I will like this blog thing and will be back! Must go get the kids!
Monday is THE day. 1pm. Life will change. After much anguish and what seems a lifetime of psychological torture, I will be starting the treatment for Hep C that I have been contemplating for 12 years. After 24 weeks, freedom is mine!!
I should be cleaning my house right now while my kids and husband aren't home so that this weekend (the last normal one for months) can be spent having fun with them instead of on domestic duties but I'm not. That would make it more real and as ridiculous as it sounds I am still a bit in denial...I am afraid. Who knows how I am going to respond to the drugs? Will I be really sick? Will they work? What if I am one of those people that....(insert any number of VERY scary situations)? Will I still be able to be a good Mom? A good wife? How am I gonna be able to take care of everyone else when I feel awful? What if I don't feel bad? Does that mean that the drugs aren't working? What if? What if? What if? Like a broken record in my head that I try not to let play. As much as it has been scary having Hep C all my life, it has been my normal. Normal is about to change. I think I will be freaked until the first shot is done. Right now it is like waiting to go into labour with your first child. You are intimidated and you don't know how it will feel and how you will handle it. Once you're into it though, you realize you are ok and can manage it. Once I experience what it does to me, I will be better prepared to keep going. I'm thinking Tylenol will be my best friend!! It also helps that my Mom will be here with me for the first couple of shots and Moms always make everything better!
I think I will like this blog thing and will be back! Must go get the kids!
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